He Holds The Future

I'm soooo not wanting to work today. I haven't even sat down at the "work" computer today. I'm on the laptop right now, and I am unashamedly putting off going back there and working. I will eventually have to, but I just can't do it right now. The best I'm hoping for is a couple of my doctors being off today or that maybe, miracle of miracles, no one was sick today. I'm not holding my breath. I'm sure I have lots of typing waiting on me, but I wanted to do the "fun" typing first!

Brad and I are sort of on a trial run for our empty nest days. Both our kids are gone this week to VBS at my home church. They are staying with my mom a couple nights and my sister a couple nights. We will be going up Friday night to get them (that is, if Poptart will stay that long). So needless to say it is quiet around here.

Normally we don't have much to talk about (sans kids) but this time is a little different. Seems we have plenty to talk about. Or, should I say, questions to ask.

We have been contemplating our future alot lately. What we will be doing and where we will be doing it. It sounds so simple, but oh, my friend, it's complicated. We know we will not stay in this small house forever, but trying to decide when is the right time to move on is far from easy. Factor in Gogurt's outright panic attacks whenever he hears us talking about looking to move, and it makes this Momma want to squat here forever.

Brad wants to start school ASAP and pursue a career in ministry. I am encouraging him to at least take one class this fall. I really hope he does. Maybe God is waiting on us to take that first step....and maybe enrolling in a class is it. I know Brad would love it, and I believe it would take a mental load off him. He would be doing something while he waits for a clearer answer from the Lord about his future.

I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know who holds our future.

And I'm so thankful He does.

Farrah and Michael

I have had a long fascination with TV. Not just watching it (although I enjoy doing that), but behind the scenes as well. You know, how it all comes together.

Before I was an education major, I was a communications major (for one semester). Sometimes I wonder "what would have been" if I would have stayed in that major. You might have been watching me on your local news, who knows?

I'm saying this because yesterday was a HUGE news day. One that the talking heads live for. It wasn't good news, but does good news ever make for good news? Ya know what I mean?

I found out Farrah died while in the barber shop with my two kids. The discussion there was whether or not she should have filmed her entire battle with cancer and why on earth would she want to?

I have to confess, I've never been a big Farrah fan. Not because I have anything against her, but she was just slightly before my time. I've always heard her name, but never really felt any "connection" with her.

But the next news I heard was surprising. I was leaving Wal-Mart, tuned in to talk radio, barely paying attention, and heard the news of Michael Jackson's passing. Say huh? I quickly turned my attention to what the lady was saying, and wondered if I could have possibly misunderstood? No. I heard right. Michael Jackson was dead.

I rushed home and asked Brad if he had heard the news. He had not. I told him, and he didn't believe me! He thought surely I had misunderstood. He looked it up online and saw it for himself.

Unlike Farrah, Michael seemed to be more "known" to me. Beat It, Billie Jean, Thriller, the list could go on. We immediately cranked up his music on our laptop and said goodbye.

He was a weirdo. No doubt. But the dude could sing. And the dude could absolutely dance. No one can argue with that.

It will be interesting to see the outpouring of love from around the world for Michael. I'm sure it will come close to the scenes we saw after Princess Diana's death. I just wonder what Michael (and Farrah) would say to us now...........

With these two deaths, the Iran uproar, the S.C. governor's baffling (but surely not surprising?) behavior, this was a news day that makes me miss the career I never had!

Two Is Our Number

Maybe it's because we visited Gogurt's birthplace. Maybe it's because I'm about to be one year older. Maybe it was that conversation with a friend. Or maybe it's because we knew of two families who had baby girls last week, both born on Tuesday.

Whatever the reason, I've been thinking about babies. But, before you go and get excited, it's not what you think.

I'm about to write a statement which might shock you, offend you, disappoint you, ummmm, okay, maybe that's a little dramatic......but, nevertheless it's a statement that has been in the works for months, maybe even years, but now I'm ready to officially say it.

I do not desire to have any more children.

There. I said it. Judge me as you will, for I, myself, have been feeling guilty about this. Shouldn't a woman always (to a certain point/age/menopausal status), have a certain "draw" toward childbearing? Who am I to decide enough is enough? Isn't that God's job? (if anybody out there wants to tackle the whole birth control debate, go for it....I ain't goin' there).


Let me say this...I absolutely loved being pregnant. Both times. It is as close to living a miracle as I'm sure I will ever get. And oh, how I loved nursing my babies. Just thinking about it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

Tonight as I was talking to my kids, tucking them in, and just soaking up some momma moments, it dawned on me. A lightbulb moment, so to speak: I Am Content. And I mean the biblical kind of contentment, one that can only come from the Lord, the giver of Life. I realized I am at perfect peace with this family's dynamics. One husband, one wife, and two children.

I cannot say I am content with everything in my life. Heck, I can't say I'm content with anything else in my life. So that's why this was a refreshing thought. There is in fact something I am content about, and I really like the way contentment feels.

So, I'm saying it. Going on record. Unless the Lord intervenes, I shall birth no more babies. Sorry Grandmas :(

A Little Trip to the Big Easy

You know how sometimes you just gotta get away? We do! That's why a couple weekends ago we got away to New Orleans. It was a pretty spur of the moment trip for us, but sometimes those are the best kind!

When we first got into town, the boys went to the D-Day Museum while us girls went to the New Orleans Children's Museum. This is Poptart with a huge bubble around herself. Cool, huh? That night we ate at Brad's all-time favorite restaurant in New Orleans. The Camellia Grill. Understand this is not for the faint of heart or the heart-healthy. On the menu? Bacon cheeseburger and a large order of chili cheese fries....ummm, good!

After an evening of swimming in the hotel pool, we turned in for the night. The next day we went to the River. We were planning a stroll through the French Quarter, but the hot New Orleans sun was beating down something fierce. Both of our kids were whining and groaning before we had even made it one block. So we aborted that idea and went back to the hotel! On our way out of New Orleans, we drove north over Lake Pontchartrain and into Mandeville. We lived in Mandeville for almost 4 years. We were there when Gogurt was born. This picture is of him in front of the townhouse we lived in while we were there. He has grown alot (and, I noticed, so have the bushes). They were tiny when we lived there! There are lots of memories there!

We had a good time talking about old times and old friends. Of course, the kids do not remember anything about it. Gogurt was 8 months old when we moved away.

I did have a chance to talk to a neighbor-friend who still lives there. She told me about her kids (one is married with a baby on the way! Yikes! Has it really been that long?), and of course we asked lots of questions about Katrina. I'm glad I got to see her again.

The kids had a good time (I think). Later, we realized we could have saved alot of gas money by just getting a hotel room right here at home. I asked both kids what their favorite part of the trip was. Both said swimming in the hotel pool.

Until next time......

I Know You've Been Waiting....

for more flower pictures. So here they are. This purple flower is a Verbena. My secret pal at the preschool gave me this plant, and it has done very well! This is an Oleander. I had been seeing these on a property up the road from us and have been wanting one for a while. I bought this for myself for Mother's Day. It hasn't bloomed yet.

And just to keep myself honest and let you know that I still do NOT have a green thumb, I do have a few plants that look like the one below sitting around. I'm trying to coax this sweet shrub back to life, but I haven't had much luck. I'm not giving up yet though.

And last, but not least, is the ever-popular fern that is about impossible to kill. I have learned though that you can't water a fern from the top. The water just runs right through. Fill a bucket (I use a 5-gallon bucket) with water and sit the fern down into the bucket of water. It works!

And maybe you noticed my new windchime? Yes, it's from Alaska! Thanks honey!

I also have a canna lilly (finally!) blooming. And I also bought a Mexican petunia. I don't have pictures of those yet, but maybe they will be in my next plant picture post. I know you can't wait.

Thanks to all of you who left comments or e-mailed me with encouraging words. Yes, last week was a bad one, but this week is better. Believe me, I never post with the intention of invoking any certain response from my readers. I just type what I'm feeling. But when the encouragement comes, it sure feels good.
*******
Poptart is spending some time with grandparents so it is just Gogurt and myself here right now. I love getting to spend one-on-one time with each child, don't you? But, as it happens, your children get older and things change. For example, on our ride in the car today, Gogurt read the entire time. Didn't speak to me. When we got home, he asked to play the laptop. I said yes. He hasn't spoken to me since.

It's really okay. The silence is welcomed, but I know this is just a glimpse of what is to come. And I suppose it is normal. They just don't need us as much the older they get (and I, for one, am glad of that).

Brad's parents will be coming Friday, and we are looking forward to their visit. It will be a special Father's Day having them here.

I hope everyone is feeling blessed today......until next time.

Just In Case You Didn't Believe Me.....

G. Mo edited some video and put it on YouTube for everyone to see and hear.........Listen closely to what Kobe's wife says.............(Thanks G. Mo)

I Know She Didn't Just Say That........Yep, She Did.

To say this past week was a stressful one would be quite an understatement. Things at Brad's job got worse before they got better. Now we're just waiting to see how everything plays out.

As you know, Brad was very disappointed with some choices that were made (a few of his own are included) and consequently does not really know who he can trust. Only time will tell. I personally believe everything will get better from here on out.

I'm telling you one thing, girls. I didn't watch Young & Restless all week. I did not need the extra drama. You'd think drama at the workplace would be worse somewhere where there were lots of females, but I have decided this place has any group of women beat. Who said what and what was meant when this was said and who is on whose side. Good grief Charlie Brown.

I myself am tired of trying to figure it all out. I don't even know these guys or what they are really thinking. I just know my husband was blessed to get this job (he got it the very next day after being laid off from his previous one), and he better keep it until God moves him.

So with all that said, he will be at work tomorrow, and we are praying for a better week. In that case, I don't think it could get much worse. Okay, yes it could. But I hope it doesn't.

OK, no more talking about drama, jobs, or drama on the job. Let's talk about boogers.

Yes, I said boogers. Did anyone see the Lakers/Magic game tonight? Did anyone else hear Kobe Bryant's wife say to her child (whom Kobe was holding), "You've got a booger."? Please someone say they heard this!

Here's how it went down: The Lakers won the series and the court was full of players, coaches, media, and the player's families. Of course, Kobe (being the celebrity he is) was getting alot of air time. He fought through the crowd, saw his wife and two cutesy pie girls, picked them up, and hugged them tight. That's when his wife said it. She said it and reached up and got it. On national TV!

No "Congrats, honey!" No "We're going to Disneyworld!" No "I'm so freaking rich because I married you, Kobe!" Nope. Just "You've got a booger." Let Momma get it.

I know this woman would not have said that if she had known the camera was on her. But didn't she know there were cameras all around her? I think it is just instinct. In fact, I took a little pleasure in the fact that even though she was married to THE Kobe Bryant, and undoubtedly has a nanny not far from her reach at all times, she would still reach up and get a dangling booger from her child's nose. And she would do it on TV.

I'm not sure why I shared that story, but I just had too. For some reason, it just made my day, ummm, night.

Every Opportunity Is Not an Answer

I struggle sometimes with exactly how much to share on this blog. I try to go by this rule: If I would tell you face-to-face what I'm typing, then it's okay to share it here. If I would not, then it's probably a good idea to keep it to myself.

Posting the good things about me and my family is no hardship of course. We all want everyone to see the good in us and our families. But when it comes to posting the not-so-good things, I get a little nervous. But I never, and I repeat, never want to come across as a family with no struggles. Other than being a lie, that would do an injustice to all my readers who might come here in the midst of some trial. I might not know exactly what you are going through, but then again I might.

Now before you think something horrible has happened, it hasn't. Things are still good here. Although yesterday was a rough day. Brad was promised something at work. Something that would have been really good for him and others. He was told it would happen the next day.

****To appreciate this, you gotta understand where we are and where we want to be. Where we are is pretty good. Where we want to be is in the center of His will. That would be great, not just good! Almost one year ago, Brad surrendered to the ministry. He feels a calling on his life to do something, and he's pretty sure that the something is not cutting grass. So we've been praying. Praying for it to be clear. Just make it clear, God. We're not the smartest people. We need it to be clear. Are we supposed to be content right here? Or are you waiting on us to do something before you make it clear? ******

So I bet you can guess what happened. Yep. The opportunity that was supposed to happen did not. Brad was, well, greatly saddened. Angered. Confused.


All I could say was "Why?" Why God? Why can my husband not catch one break in his career? He works so very hard, yet it seems he is never rewarded for it. Why God? Why could this have not been in your will? Why God? Why did you dangle this in front of Him and then snatch it away? Why God? Why is this so extremely complicated for us?

If you are waiting for me to end this post with some nice "Sunday School" explanation, you will be waiting for a while. I still don't understand why. In fact, I'm still angry about the whole thing.

I'm not doubting God is in control or that He has a perfect plan for our lives, but what I am doubting is that we are ever going to figure it out.

Zoo Trip

We took the kids to the zoo last Saturday....here are some pictures from our little trip.

Brad took this picture of a magnolia. We live in the Magnolia State, but I rarely see one up close and personal. We thought this one was beautiful!

We all love the giraffes. In fact, after reading that giraffes are the quietest animals on earth, I am constantly saying I want our family to be a giraffe family. Quiet. Also, they are just so unique and fascinating to watch. We watched the one in the picture go from a standing position to a sitting position. It was not easy for him to do...it took him a minute or two.

Our zoo is pretty small, but I have to say they are trying to improve it in many ways. Brad had not been in several years, and he was quite surprised at how much it had improved in that time.

Here are our family's favorite animals from our trip:

Gogurt: Penguins

Poptart: Flamingos

Brad: Tigers

Amy: Giraffes

Summertime

Now that all school is over and I am home all day every day with my kids, I have realized there are some really good things about summertime and some, well, not-so-good things.

The not-so-good thing is that we are home all day every day. Gogurt and Poptart woke up fighting this morning. They get along good most of the time, but there have already been moments that I wish for school to be in session (Gogurt's, not mine!). And since we are not really go-getters on the social scene, I am not meeting someone at the park every day, planning playdates every day, or even getting out of my pajamas every day. But truth be told, that's just the way I like it. So, I can't complain that we're home alot because there's really no other place I'd rather be.

The good thing about summertime is the more, much more, laid back schedule we keep. The kids can sleep in, watch too many cartoons, and play with the neighborhood kids in the yard until dark. Probably the best thing to me is the way my typing seems WAY LESS stressful during the summer. It's amazing how easy it seems to be to get my typing done by 5 p.m. when I'm actually home all day to keep up with it. I love teaching preschool, but I can definitely see a difference in my stress level just from being home to type all along during the day.

I realize summer just started, and I also realize that by the time school starts I will be SO ready. Ready to get out of the laid back schedule and into a more regimented one. But for now, we will enjoy our lazy summer days around the house.

Give It Back---It's Mine!

The blog that is......I have no great tales of adventure (since I haven't been anywhere), but as you know I haven't posted in a long time (so get comfy, this could be long).

I enjoyed checking our blog and reading what Brad had posted from Alaska. After he washed his cell phone, this blog was our only means of communication. I wouldn't recommend that for married couples, but it was better than nothing I guess. Thanks to everyone who read and followed along and a special thanks to those who left comments....it really meant alot to Brad to know the people back home were reading! I hope our new readers keep coming back to visit our blog-although my posts cannot really compete with snow-covered Alaskan mountain pictures.

Getting to see my husband living out one of his lifelong dreams was indescribable. Although I would be lying if I did not say that by about the 6th night of his being gone, I just wanted him home. Dream or no dream. Just come home!

I do admire all those women who are single moms, military wives, or by any other circumstance find themselves raising kids by themselves. It's hard! My hats off to you.

Other than missing Brad, we had a pretty good and easy time while he was gone. We visited grandma for two nights (but Gogurt ended up getting sick), went to lunch with a friend, and took in a movie (Poptart's first theatre experience).

I was a little nervous when Brad got home. Would he be different? Would he start packing us up to move this little family to Kodiak? Well the answer is yes and no. Yes, he is different. No, we're not packing up to move.

If this trip did anything, it reaffirmed his decision to work in some form of ministry. We are still clueless as to what exactly that will be, but like I said, it just reaffirmed the prior general decision. So we are waiting. Still. Waiting. Waiting to see what the Lord has in store for us.

It brings up a word that is hard for me even to utter. Surrender. I'm not good at that, but slowly and surely the Lord is bringing me to that place. The place where my will means nothing and His will means everything. That will be a place of true peace and happiness.

Will God reveal to us what it is we are supposed to do? Eventually. In the meantime we will continue on in our lives, staying faithful, and praying that when God does reveal His plan for us that we (okay, I) will be ready and willing to go.