Maybe it's because we visited Gogurt's birthplace. Maybe it's because I'm about to be one year older. Maybe it was that conversation with a friend. Or maybe it's because we knew of two families who had baby girls last week, both born on Tuesday.
Whatever the reason, I've been thinking about babies. But, before you go and get excited, it's not what you think.
I'm about to write a statement which might shock you, offend you, disappoint you, ummmm, okay, maybe that's a little dramatic......but, nevertheless it's a statement that has been in the works for months, maybe even years, but now I'm ready to officially say it.
I do not desire to have any more children.
There. I said it. Judge me as you will, for I, myself, have been feeling guilty about this. Shouldn't a woman always (to a certain point/age/menopausal status), have a certain "draw" toward childbearing? Who am I to decide enough is enough? Isn't that God's job? (if anybody out there wants to tackle the whole birth control debate, go for it....I ain't goin' there).
Let me say this...I absolutely loved being pregnant. Both times. It is as close to living a miracle as I'm sure I will ever get. And oh, how I loved nursing my babies. Just thinking about it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
Tonight as I was talking to my kids, tucking them in, and just soaking up some momma moments, it dawned on me. A lightbulb moment, so to speak: I Am Content. And I mean the biblical kind of contentment, one that can only come from the Lord, the giver of Life. I realized I am at perfect peace with this family's dynamics. One husband, one wife, and two children.
I cannot say I am content with everything in my life. Heck, I can't say I'm content with anything else in my life. So that's why this was a refreshing thought. There is in fact something I am content about, and I really like the way contentment feels.
So, I'm saying it. Going on record. Unless the Lord intervenes, I shall birth no more babies. Sorry Grandmas :(