The Bridge To Nowhere

The first night we were here in Kotzebue, John and Terri took us around the town showing us the sights and giving us a little background into the area.  During our tour, we came to a bridge.  John began to tell us that this is the bridge where most of the towns suicides occur, usually by hanging from the underside.  As we crossed the bridge, Terri told us that they had claimed the bridge for Christ and she began to pray over the bridge.  She prayed for safety and freedom from the enemy in Kotzebue, especially on the bridge. 

This has been the most somber moment of this trip.  The reality of the darkness that grips this world once again came flooding in.  While we have not really been here for evangelistic purposes, this one moment of trip reminded me, and hopefully you too, that we should go and tell.  Just like Christ commanded us to.  We are all on a "bridge to nowhere" without His touch, His grace, His salvation.  If you don't know the power of Jesus salvation, I pray you'll contact us.  Contact someone that is a Christian, a Pastor, someone that can lead you to Him.  You won't be sorry, I promise. 

By the way, there have been no suicides on that bridge this year.  Lets pray that it stays that way.

The Man With A Dog

I learned a long time ago that it is wrong to judge. 
I learned a long time ago not to judge someone by their occupation, clothing, vehicle, house, children's behavior, spouse's behavior, etc.etc. 
I learned a long time ago that no matter what things seem on the outside, the inside may tell an entirely different story. 
I learned all these things a long time ago. 


This man, unknown to me or the other 4-year-old teacher, would bring his dog by the playground on their daily walk.  The kids of course would all run to the fence and strain their little arms through to pet the dog.  The man murmured something about the dog being gentle, but we were very uneasy about the entire situation. 

Of course we inquired about this man to some other teachers and they assured us he was safe.  In fact, he is a church member there and does handyman work around the property so in all likelihood we would see him again. 

And we did.  It wasn't every day but pretty often we would see him coming.  "Oh, here comes that man and his dog" we would say, hoping they would just walk on by and not stop.  The man appeared dishelved and unkempt. It looked like he had on the same clothes every time we saw him, and he walked with a limp. We didn't know where he had come from or what he was doing there. And honestly we just wanted him to leave.

This is my 3rd year to teach at this preschool and for the first 2 years the man and his dog would make their occasional appearances.  And after 2 years I only knew his dog's name, not his. 

I arrived to work on Tuesday to hear there would be a funeral in the sanctuary that afternoon.  "Oh, a church member?" I asked, sure that I would not know the deceased.  "Yes.  Charlie Crisco," she replied.  "I don't guess I know him."  "You know the man with the dog?" 

I immediately felt a tinge of sadness although I am not sure why, maybe it was a tinge of guilt instead.  The rest of the day was buzzing with information that even some fellow church members had never known. 

His obituary reads, "One of Jackson's finest...."  

You see, the man with the dog wasn't who I thought he was, and my first mistake was to judge him on his outward appearance.  My second mistake was to believe my judgment as truth. 

In fact, my judgment couldn't have been farther from the truth.  This man had been a marine, a police officer, and a lead investigator in a very, very high-profile murder trial.  William H. Macy played this man's character in a movie you might remember.   

But more important than all of that, he had a health scare years ago and afterwards inviting Jesus in his heart as his Savior. 

God showed me (one of) my faults loud and clear this past week.  I thought I had learned the "do not judge" life lesson already.  I thought I could check that one off the list and move onto something else.  Apparently not. 

James 4:12 says, "There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy.  But you-who are you to judge your neighbor?"

Good question. 

Goals

Last night around the dinner table, we were all sharing about our day. 

When it was Poptart's turn, she said they went to counseling.  My question was, "What did you talk about?"  Her answer?  "Goals." 

It was a little strange hearing that come out of a 5-year-old's mouth.  Goals?  Really?  Poptart's goals for every day are play, eat, and play some more. 

Gogurt said they had talked about goals in counseling on a previous day as well.  He had to write one goal for the school year and one goal for the future.  Of course, we were curious to hear what our 9-year-old's goals were so he told us.  His goal for the school year is to read on a higher level.  (Those of you who know Gogurt knows he loves to read)  His goal for the future?  Be in the Army.  (That probably wasn't a shocker either)

That got me thinking about goals.  I've never been a good goal-setter.  I'm a good list-maker, like, for the day (I had a list made by 7 a.m. this morning) but as far as long-term goals, I'm not so good. 

I do see how they can be helpful.  You have to have a goal to work toward, right?  In your marriage, in your career, in your family, in your church?  Goals are good things.  And I think goals come from good places, positive places.  Have you ever noticed that when you are discouraged and you are having an internal dialogue that goes something like this:  You are 35 years old.  You should have a bigger house by now.  You should have more money in the account by now.  You should have more savings by now.  You should be in a better job by now, that you are probably not willing to sit down and discuss a 5-year plan with your spouse.  It's too hard to face the fact that your 5-year plan is to be where you thought you would be 10 years ago.  Well, my question is this, who put these notions in my mind of where I should be and what I should be doing at 35 years old?  Society?  My parents?  Or just me?  And is it from God at all? 

God wants us to be single-minded in our goals.  Our goal should be to bring honor to Him every day.  All this other stuff is just fluff.  And while I know this, I certainly do not do a good job at living this. 

To be honest, I would like a bigger house.  I would like more money in our bank account.  I would like to have more savings.  And Brad would definitely like an inside job.  None of these things in and of themselves are bad.  But if we focus all our concentration on attaining our "goals" and leave God out of the picture, what have we really accomplished?

I learned a long, long time ago what it meant to live a day at a time.  We are by no means impoverished, but we are by no means rich.  God gives us what we need week to week, sometimes day to day. 

My goal is to be thankful for His provisions so far and to trust Him to continue on. 

Now, I'm going to go mark off "Post on Blog" today off my list. 

I Really Don't Want to Post This

The motto this year at VBS was "Need Answers? Ask God!"  So at the beginning of each class, my (2) 6th grade students would write questions to God on sticky notes and stick them up around the big question mark on the dry erase board. 

It didn't take long for me to see a pattern.  Is ________ (fill in the blank) bad to watch?  Is __________ bad to listen to?   Is ________ bad to read?

By the end of the week, it was clear to see just how much of a struggle it is for them to fight against "popular" media choices.  It was obvious they were having second thoughts about some of their choices, but just needed a little encouragement.   

One particular verse came to mind.  Philippians 4:8.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."

On the last night of VBS, I shared this verse with them and told them it was the test.  When they are wondering if something is "good" or "bad" for them, put it to the test of Philippians 4:8. 

And as I talked I began to have these convicting thoughts about my own media choices.  (Why does that always seem to happen?)  Do I put all of our media choices to the test of Philippians 4:8?

We do not watch R rated movies.  And our rule is that if we can't watch something together as a family, we (Brad and I) probably do not need to be watching it at all.  And we do pretty good on that.  Well, at least I thought I did. 

The more I talked that night, the more the Holy Spirit began convicting me of a certain show I watch.  And later at home I was sharing about the class to Brad and very
s-l-o-w-l-y he brought up the issue of the same show. 

I have watched Young & The Restless since college.  Not every day mind you, especially during the school year, but over the summers I become, well, a little obsessed.  Y&R is different, right?  More classy than those other silly soap operas, right?  And I always turn it during the love scenes.....

I am going to stop, cold turkey.  I am not going to care whether Nick ends up with Sharon or Phyllis (although I am surely rooting for Phyllis).  I am not going to care what becomes of Adam.  And I am not going to care what crazy-girl Patty does next. 

You may think I am being silly about all this, and that's okay if you do.  You may not feel convicted about watching soap operas, and that is fine too.  I am definitely not trying to preach to anybody here.  I'm just telling you what the Holy Spirit has convicted me of, and what I'm going to try, try, try to do.  It won't be easy. 

So I've put it out there.  I watch Y&R and now I want to stop.  But I'll need your help.  Accountability partners, so to speak.  Keep me honest, people.  

Finding This Book

I wanted Brad to post this on his blog, but since he has stopped blogging (for the timebeing only I hope), I will have to do it here.  I'm sure I won't do it justice since this is really Brad's story, but I'll try to tell it anyhow. 

If you've noticed, there has been a new blog added in my list of blogs over there.  If you haven't noticed it, then you need to pay closer attention! 

A few months ago, one of Brad's professors read a quote from a book titled "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller.  Brad's curiosity was piqued and he made a mental note to someday look this book up and read it.  Someday.  Only a few short days later he was sitting in the secretary's office at work and happened to look behind her on the bookshelf.  And there it sat, "Blue Like Jazz."  He inquired about it and she stated she had not even read it.  She just found it lying around the park and picked it up and brought it to her office.  It had been on her bookshelf ever since.  So of course Brad asked if he could take it and read it. 

He ended up using this particular book to fulfill his book review requirement in his class.  And that book review is what I wanted him to post.  But no such luck, yet. 

I have since read the book (any book that makes my hubby want to read it is exceptional).  I was not disappointed.  I do have to say that you have to read this book with an open mind and stick with it...and you will not be disappointed.  This book is, like the subtitle says, "Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality." 

After looking up the website at the back of the book, I realized Donald Miller has written several more books.  In fact, "Blue Like Jazz" is in the process of being made into a movie. 

This is not a deep, theological book.  Or is it?  A couple of chapters drive home a point using cartoons.  There's no "churchy" language, no hard-to-understand theologies.  It's just plain and straightforward. 

Until you put the book down, and then you start to think.......

Extraordinary Women

This past weekend I had the privilege of attending my 3rd Extraordinary Women Conference.  I was first introduced to this conference by my mother and her Sunday School class.  They were attending the conference here in Jackson and invited me to meet them there.  The second time was in Birmingham where I invited a friend who was going through a really tough time in her life to meet me and attend the conference with me.  And the third time was just this past weekend here in Jackson again, alone. 

Yep, I went all by myself.  It really wasn't supposed to be that way (or maybe it was supposed to be that way).  Originally, there was a couple of other people going, but something came up that prevented them from attending, so I said, "No problem, I'll go by myself!"  I don't mind doing things by myself, it's not my first choice, but I don't mind that much. 

There are some advantages to attending alone.  First of all, it is a lot easier finding a seat for one than a group of 12 trying to all sit together!  In a room of 3000 women, all I needed was one little space.  The first night I sat with a group from Greenwood, Mississippi.  Saturday I sat with a couple of nice ladies from around Hattiesburg, Mississippi.  It's funny though, whenever someone would find out you were there alone and not with a group, their face immediately dropped and started apologizing.  It was strange. 

Second of all, there is a certain freedom in worshiping in a room where no one knows you.  I'm ashamed to admit it, but sometimes I feel restrained.  Restrained by the "What will they think of me?" thoughts that run through my mind.  I hope you do not do this, and honestly, I am becoming more unrestrained the closer I get to my Lord.  If the Lord has saved you, you have something to praise him for!  Amen!

I heard Sheri Rose Shephard, Chonda Pierce, and Angela Thomas.  I saw Jeremy Camp in concert Friday night and Mandisa in concert on Saturday.  If you do not know Mandisa from American Idol, that girl can sing!  She had that place rocking and praising the Lord! 

Mark your calendar for the end of March 2011 - EWomen will be returning to Jackson! 

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Listen to Unrestrained by Mandisa

Cycles

There are cycles in life - we all know that. Things come. Things go. People come. People go.


Money comes. Money goes.

And that's the cycle I hate most. I like the money coming part. I hate the money going part. If you know us, you know we are not extravagant people. I am not a shopper, and we do not have the best of everything. My kids do not have the latest brand-name clothes, gadgets, movies, video games, etc., and we all wear hand-me-downs. I am not ashamed of this, no, just the opposite. I want my kids to understand there are more important things in life than the things money can buy. I also want them to see two parents working hard for the few nice things we do have.

Another cycle is the bill cycle. You know, the monthly bills that arrive like clockwork every month. It is around this particular time of month that I feel rather, well, poor. Every month after writing out the check for our mortgage, I feel this way. If you are blessed enough to live in a house that is paid for, please never take it for granted. Oh, the things we could do if we didn't have a house note!

In my despair, I turned to the scripture. God and God alone is enough for me and my family. Why do I worry? Why do I worry about tomorrow? Why do I worry about next month or the next?

It ought to be enough for me to look back and see the goodness of God evidenced throughout my entire life and the lives of each one of my family members and never doubt God's sufficiency again. But, I'm not that strong. Or maybe I should say I'm not that faithful. And for that I am ashamed.

You know one of my favorite devotion books is "Strengthen My Spirit" by Charles Spurgeon. I will leave you with today's devotion which is once again ever so appropriate.

You are my portion, O Lord. Psalm 119:57

.........but what is gold compared with God? You could not live on it; your spiritual life could not be sustained by it. But you have God, and in Him you have more than gold or riches could ever buy. Some have their portion in that which most men love-applause and fame-but is not God more to you than that? There are griefs in life that wealth cannot alleviate, and there is the deep need of a dying hour for which no riches can provide. But when you have God for your portion, you have more than all else put together. In Him every want is met, whether in life or in death. With God for your portion you are rich indeed, for He will supply your need, comfort your heart, ease your grief, guide your steps, be with you in the dark valley, and then take you home to enjoy Him as your portion forever.

Charles Spurgeon

Rest

Ever since school started I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. We have been really busy, but I'm not sure with what.

Maybe it's because I'm having to "retrain" myself to the schedule of typing and teaching. Maybe it's because I had two trips out-of-town last week. Maybe it's because Brad started seminary and I see and feel his busyness. Maybe it's because we've ripped up our carpet and tomorrow will be attempting to put our new floor down. Maybe it's because we're leaving on our annual camping trip with my family Friday and I have to get everything ready.

Add going to church three times and a meeting at the school and all of this together makes me want to crawl in bed and stay a while. Don't get me wrong, none of this stuff is bad, but for some reason I'm just not feeling on-top-of-things like I normally do. Maybe this week I'll feel better.

Thursday night I was going to the school to meet Gogurt's teacher and learn all about 3rd grade. I had taught preschool that day and so I had been typing ever since I got home, trying to get done before I had to leave for the school. Poptart was in the room with me, and she found an old CD. She asked me several times to listen to that CD. Annoyed, I promised her that if she would just be quiet for a few more minutes, Momma would be done and would put in the CD.

I finished up and stuck in the CD. It was a CD from a Vacation Bible School a few years ago. The CD began, and I was barely listening. It was the end of a long week, and I really didn't want to be going anywhere. I wanted a long, hot bath in solitude. But Brad had offered to stay home with the kids so I could go to the school. He also told me that after I left the school I should go by McDonald's and get me a hot fudge sundae. Okay. I'll go. Hot fudge sundaes motivate me.

I was walking out of my bedroom when I heard these words being sung,
"I will rush to rest at your feet Lord Jesus,"

Stop. Turn around. Scoop up Poptart. Dance. Cry.

I needed rest, but it didn't need to come in the form of camping trips, hot baths, or hot fudge sundaes. I needed the purest rest. The kind that comes at our Lord's feet. Rest in the truest sense possible.

I hate to admit it, but in my busyness I oftentimes push out those sweet times with Jesus. And I am thankful that he can use anyone and anything to gently pull me back into his presence.

I only had a few moments, but those few moments did me a world of good. Somehow I felt better, about everything. And it's a good thing I did.

Because the ice cream machine was broken.

Faith is that
blessed grace which is most pleasing to God, and thus it is the most displeasing
to the devil. By faith God is greatly glorified, and
consequently by faith Satan
is greatly annoyed.

All the powers of
darkness which are opposed to right and truth are sure to fight against our faith, and manifold temptations will march in their legions against our
confidence in God.

Faith is your
jewel, your joy, your glory; and the thieves who haunt the pilgrim's way are all
scheming to tear it from you.

Charles
Spurgeon

A Little Heaven Talk

On our way to the ice cream shoppe to meet my mom and my two nieces for some ice cream, the kids and I were listening to our Alan Jackson CD in the car. Gogurt cued it to one of our favorite songs, "When We All Get to Heaven," and the following conversation ensued:

Poptart: "Momma, when are we gonna be in heaven with Jesus?"

Me: "I don't know, sweetheart. Nobody knows. We will either die and go to heaven, or we will be alive to see Jesus coming down from the sky to take us to heaven."

Poptart: "I need to know what Jesus looks like so I'll know it is him."

Me: "Oh, you'll know it's Him. He'll be the only person you've ever seen coming down from the clouds. Everybody will know it is Him."

Poptart: "What will we do in heaven?"

Me: "Praise Jesus, forever and ever and ever." "And we will get a crown and a mansion, but I believe all we'll really want to do is praise God."

Poptart: "What color crown will I have?"

Me: "Umm, I'm not sure." "What color would you like to have?"

Poptart: "Well, on Barbie and the Diamond Castle, she had a purple crown so I want a purple crown."

Me: "Ok, I'm sure Jesus will work that out."

More of Him, Less of Me

When I started this blog, I purposed it to be a good, uplifting, happy one. Nothing you would have to concentrate too hard on. Just a place to share my life with those who for some reason might be interested.

So what do I do when I'm not feeling good, uplifting, or happy? What do I do? Do I stop posting until I feel I have something "happy" to post? Or do I just say I feel crummy and trust you all will keep reading anyway? I choose the latter.
******************

I spent a good part of this last week praying for something. More specifically, I spent a good part of last week praying for a specific attitude. And I'm still trying to figure out why I failed so miserably.

I needed to keep my focus on Him. I prayed to stay positive no matter what. I wanted to thank Him regardless how the situation turned out. And I definitely needed to remember Who was in control.

But just like an ominous gray cloud creeping ever closer, my attitude and thoughts turned negative, just as I prayed they would not do. I could feel it happening, and I was screaming on the inside to fight it, and I tried, but eventually I was no match. I was in a tornado with negative voices and thoughts swirling all around me, and I felt there was no way out.

Why, God? Why did I allow Satan to win this battle, again? I want a Godly attitude and I want Godly thoughts. I want to do Your will. That is why it hurts so bad when I fail so miserably.

Bottom line is that I need more practice implementing this verse:

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3: 17 NIV