I struggle sometimes with exactly how much to share on this blog. I try to go by this rule: If I would tell you face-to-face what I'm typing, then it's okay to share it here. If I would not, then it's probably a good idea to keep it to myself.
Posting the good things about me and my family is no hardship of course. We all want everyone to see the good in us and our families. But when it comes to posting the not-so-good things, I get a little nervous. But I never, and I repeat, never want to come across as a family with no struggles. Other than being a lie, that would do an injustice to all my readers who might come here in the midst of some trial. I might not know exactly what you are going through, but then again I might.
Now before you think something horrible has happened, it hasn't. Things are still good here. Although yesterday was a rough day. Brad was promised something at work. Something that would have been really good for him and others. He was told it would happen the next day.
****To appreciate this, you gotta understand where we are and where we want to be. Where we are is pretty good. Where we want to be is in the center of His will. That would be great, not just good! Almost one year ago, Brad surrendered to the ministry. He feels a calling on his life to do something, and he's pretty sure that the something is not cutting grass. So we've been praying. Praying for it to be clear. Just make it clear, God. We're not the smartest people. We need it to be clear. Are we supposed to be content right here? Or are you waiting on us to do something before you make it clear? ******
So I bet you can guess what happened. Yep. The opportunity that was supposed to happen did not. Brad was, well, greatly saddened. Angered. Confused.
All I could say was "Why?" Why God? Why can my husband not catch one break in his career? He works so very hard, yet it seems he is never rewarded for it. Why God? Why could this have not been in your will? Why God? Why did you dangle this in front of Him and then snatch it away? Why God? Why is this so extremely complicated for us?
If you are waiting for me to end this post with some nice "Sunday School" explanation, you will be waiting for a while. I still don't understand why. In fact, I'm still angry about the whole thing.
I'm not doubting God is in control or that He has a perfect plan for our lives, but what I am doubting is that we are ever going to figure it out.