Monday, March 8, 2010

Things I Do Not Know

A funny thing happened the other day.  Brad asked me if I had noticed how Poptart has started saying, " I know" to everything.  Now this in itself is not funny, but in light of the post I've been working on (in my head) it is a little ironic. 
I remember a specific conversation with a cousin when I was younger.  I don't remember the exact age, lower-elementary-age I would guess, that I still remember to this day. 

Apparently when I was that age I had a pretty bad know-it-all attitude.  And this cousin called me on it.  Also apparently, I said "I know" to anything and everything that anybody said to me.  She called me on that too. 

In my defense, I think I was saying it more as in "I hear you and I agree with you," but it came across as "I already knew that, why are you wasting my time telling me?"  Thus the ever-needed attitude adjustment my cousin gave me that day. 

So in honor of that conversation, here is a list of things I do not know (or perhaps just don't want to try and figure out):

I don't know why I got all teary-eyed when an elderly woman in Wal-Mart looked me in the eyes and told me to enjoy Poptart all I could - soon she'll be grown, she said. 

I don't know why hangers make me angrier faster than anything else in this world.  You can't deal with more than 1 hanger at a time or they get all hooked together and it's just infuriating. 

I don't know why I am having a hard time allowing God to have His way in my life. 

I don't know why I can't be as honest as I would like to be on this blog. 

I don't know why I bought a new bedspread that does not match the color of my walls. 

I don't know why my children have to have the TV up so loud. 

I don't know why it's so hard to keep in touch with family and friends. 

I don't know how anything works. 

I don't know how I can go to the grocery store with a well-made, well-planned out list and still think of something I forgot by the time I get home. 

I don't know what Brad is going to be when he finishes school or where we'll have to go for Brad to be whatever he is going to be when he finishes school.  I do know this terrifies me. 

I don't know how Poptart is going to like Kindergarten. 

I don't know what the parents of my students think of me as a teacher. 

I don't know if my friends really like me. 

I don't know how Gogurt can eat so much. 

I don't know why I let some people intimidate me. 

I don't know how to stay close to God all the time

I don't know why I love chocolate so much. 

I don't know why men are so sexually driven. 

I don't know why God keeps blessing me when I do not deserve it. 

I don't know how to really have church

I don't know how to tell people what they mean to me without crying like a blubbering idiot.

I don't know why I can't witness. 

I don't know why my feet stay cold all the time. 

I don't know how Brad and I are still together. 

I don't know why, on the warmest day yet, I feel like crap and just want to go back to bed. 

I don't know what my kids will end up being.  

So there you have it.  A partial list of things I do not know.  It could go on and on.  While making this "I don't know" list, a song popped into my head.  I will leave you with the lyrics...

I don't know about tomorrow, It may bring me poverty;
But the one who feeds the sparrow, Is the one who stands by me;
And the path that be my portion, May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me, And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow, And I know who holds my hand. 

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