If you have children, you will no doubt be able to identify with what I'm writing about tonight. If your children are young, you will be experiencing it as we speak. If your children are older, you will have to remember back when.
I'm talking about the age when kids pretend. Pretend to be everyone else and anything else but themselves. Pretend ordinary things are unordinary and make the mundane exciting. Poptart is definitely in this stage. Almost 4, she lives in a pretend world.
We have been kidding her lately that every single sentence she utters begins with the word pretend. Here's an example of what I hear regularly from Poptart without her taking a breath.
"Pretend I'm your friend and I come over to your house and we play school and pretend you are the teacher that says Good Morning and pretend you tell me to get out your Show & Tell and then let's pretend I have to go to the bathroom, but my momma gets here to pick me up from school so pretend the bed is the car and my momma drives me home and ........"
I'm sure you get the picture.
Now I'm all for using your imagination and spending quality time with your children as they involve you in their imaginary world. But, be honest, (because I desperately need to know I'm not the only bad Momma out there) after a while, it just GETS OLD.
I find myself pleading with Poptart. "I have an idea! Let's pretend I'm the Momma, you're my daughter, and this is our house." That never gets very far.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Poptart has an imagination and is using it, but for heaven's sake I think I'm gonna go crazy if I hear her ask me one more time to pretend something. And remember, I am in a room of 4-year-olds three days a week so I hear them pretending there and then I come home to even more pretending.
Here is where I should fill you in on one of my weaknesses. Guilt. I suffer with a mother's guilt. I feel as if I should stop and play with my children every single time they ask me too. I know that is crazy and unrealistic-no matter, every time I say no to them guilt overwhelms me.
I blame my typing. I spend a few hours each day on the computer, therefore limiting my time to just play. Gogurt is totally comfortable with this. I've had this job since he was 2. I know Poptart will get to this point, but until then, I deal with guilt.
The three days I teach preschool is even worse on the guilt front. We're at preschool and then as soon as we get home, I have to start transcribing. Oh, it hurts me. But, my family has developed some bad habits, like eating, so I must continue on. Especially now that Brad changed jobs and is making even less than before. We couldn't make it without my income.
I'm blessed, very blessed, to be able to do what I do. I have not worked full-time outside the home since a month before Gogurt was born. He is 8. I have however been working inside the home for going on 6 years. I have never had to experience the guilt of leaving my babies at daycare, but I have experienced the guilt of being here but not being home. Of having to continually say, "You know Momma has to work so go play by yourself."
So let's pretend I get rid of my guilt.
Pretend I never again feel my working is negatively affecting my children.
Let's pretend they grow up and realize Momma and Daddy worked pretty darn hard to provide for their needs.
Then let's pretend they grow up and have children of their own.
Pretend Poptart is an awesome Mom and Gogurt is a terrific Dad.
And then let's pretend they say they learned from the best. Pretend that doesn't make Grandma cry.