Which Club Are You In?

The other day I quickly ran into the library to get some books about dinosaurs for my preschool classroom.  I was by myself since both of my kiddos were in school.   

Think back to when you were engaged.  You thought, ate, drank, slept wedding plans.  You watched wedding shows on TLC and looked at wedding magazines and wedding planners every spare moment of your day.  Also, it seemed everyone around you was either about to get engaged or had just gotten engaged.   Your conversation centered around the to-be wedding.  You were in the "Engagement Club."

Then you got married and your club title changed.  You were no longer thinking about florists, cakes, and music.  You were thinking about how this marriage thing was really supposed to work.  You find out that planning the wedding was actually the easy part.  The marriage thing is alot harder!  So you seek out people in the same club as you to help you.  You are now in the "Newly Married Club."

After a few years you decide you've got the marriage thing downpat and you decide to add a third person to the mix.  You get pregnant.  Warning:  The "Pregnancy Club" is the most active club.  When you are pregnant, you see pregnant women everywhere.  All you talk about is pregnancy.  All you think about is pregnancy.  All you read about is pregnancy.  This club's activities are some that you'll remember forever.  And when you "graduate" from this club, you will pass your experiences on to the newer club members by telling them your harrowing stories of 17-hour labors, passing out twice, getting a blood transfusion, and not being able to stand or sit comfortably for almost a year.  Oh, that's not what the new club members need to hear? Sorry. 

It's ironic - the same thing happens with pregnancy that happens with the wedding.  You find out that what you thought was the hard part turns out to be the easiest part.  'Cuz now you find yourself responsible for another person's well-being, health, and happiness.  And sometimes the little bundle of joy you've just ruined your body to get into the world is the same little bundle of joy you want to put back in.  You need to find the members of the "I've Got a Newborn and Haven't Slept in 4 1/2 Days Club" to let you know your discouragements and frustrations are normal and in no way makes you the most horrible mother the earth has ever produced.  

Eventually, your newborn will become a toddler and you'll join the "I Can't Sit and Have a Conversation Because I'm Chasing My Kid Around to Make Sure He Doesn't Choke on a Lego" Club.  This, along with the newborn club, is an exhausting club to be a member of.  But, as you know, this membership expires quickly.   

"The Preschool Club" is a little easier, in my opinion.  There are good preschool programs out there (I could personally vouch for one in particular!) that can give you some much-needed time away.  It is while you are in this club that you realize how fast they really are growing up.  The next club's membership is looming on the horizon. 

Now here's the club I'm in.  The "Kids In Elementary" Club.  Graded papers to sign, lunch money checks to write, science projects to plan, etc. 

Since that is the club I'm presently a member of, I cannot speak from experience about clubs to come.  Clubs like the  "My Kids Are In High School" Club or the "Finally in College" Club.  My sister will have to tell me how to navigate those two clubs!

So back to being in the library by myself, kid-less.  I happened to be there just as the door was closing to the room where lap-sit storytime was starting.  The storytime I took both my kids to at that age.  I saw a few late-arrivers carrying their babies on their hips, opening the door, and slipping in. 

I looked at the door.  It was closed.  And I couldn't open it. Because I'm not in that club anymore. 


***
At this moment, I know members in each one of these clubs (except the engagement club, can't think of anyone who is engaged).   

Some of you can put your hand on your belly and feel that new life inside you.  You are wondering if the day will ever, ever get here where you actually hold them in your arms for the first time and love them with a love so deep it shocks you. 

Some of you have a newborn at home and things aren't going "picture-perfect."  You are starting to question whether or not you will ever have a moment of peace and quiet again. 

Some of you have toddlers throwing temper-tantrums and testing you at every turn. 

Some of you have preschoolers trying to act more grown-up than they are, and you are beginning to want them to stay little forever. 

Some of us have elementary school aged kids who are slowly but surely not needing us quite as much as they used to. 

You may be in a different club....there's several I didn't get to in this post.  The "Struggling Marriage" Club, the "We're Broke" Club, the "Sick Parents" Club, the "Rebellious Child" Club," and the list could go on and on.  Whatever club(s) you find your membership in, know you are not alone.  God is in all these clubs, and I can guarantee you he will help you find other club members to help you through. 

So let's all enjoy the club we're in today.  Tomorrow may require a whole new membership altogether. 

Rest

Ever since school started I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. We have been really busy, but I'm not sure with what.

Maybe it's because I'm having to "retrain" myself to the schedule of typing and teaching. Maybe it's because I had two trips out-of-town last week. Maybe it's because Brad started seminary and I see and feel his busyness. Maybe it's because we've ripped up our carpet and tomorrow will be attempting to put our new floor down. Maybe it's because we're leaving on our annual camping trip with my family Friday and I have to get everything ready.

Add going to church three times and a meeting at the school and all of this together makes me want to crawl in bed and stay a while. Don't get me wrong, none of this stuff is bad, but for some reason I'm just not feeling on-top-of-things like I normally do. Maybe this week I'll feel better.

Thursday night I was going to the school to meet Gogurt's teacher and learn all about 3rd grade. I had taught preschool that day and so I had been typing ever since I got home, trying to get done before I had to leave for the school. Poptart was in the room with me, and she found an old CD. She asked me several times to listen to that CD. Annoyed, I promised her that if she would just be quiet for a few more minutes, Momma would be done and would put in the CD.

I finished up and stuck in the CD. It was a CD from a Vacation Bible School a few years ago. The CD began, and I was barely listening. It was the end of a long week, and I really didn't want to be going anywhere. I wanted a long, hot bath in solitude. But Brad had offered to stay home with the kids so I could go to the school. He also told me that after I left the school I should go by McDonald's and get me a hot fudge sundae. Okay. I'll go. Hot fudge sundaes motivate me.

I was walking out of my bedroom when I heard these words being sung,
"I will rush to rest at your feet Lord Jesus,"

Stop. Turn around. Scoop up Poptart. Dance. Cry.

I needed rest, but it didn't need to come in the form of camping trips, hot baths, or hot fudge sundaes. I needed the purest rest. The kind that comes at our Lord's feet. Rest in the truest sense possible.

I hate to admit it, but in my busyness I oftentimes push out those sweet times with Jesus. And I am thankful that he can use anyone and anything to gently pull me back into his presence.

I only had a few moments, but those few moments did me a world of good. Somehow I felt better, about everything. And it's a good thing I did.

Because the ice cream machine was broken.

Let's Pretend.....

If you have children, you will no doubt be able to identify with what I'm writing about tonight. If your children are young, you will be experiencing it as we speak. If your children are older, you will have to remember back when.

I'm talking about the age when kids pretend. Pretend to be everyone else and anything else but themselves. Pretend ordinary things are unordinary and make the mundane exciting. Poptart is definitely in this stage. Almost 4, she lives in a pretend world.

We have been kidding her lately that every single sentence she utters begins with the word pretend. Here's an example of what I hear regularly from Poptart without her taking a breath.

"Pretend I'm your friend and I come over to your house and we play school and pretend you are the teacher that says Good Morning and pretend you tell me to get out your Show & Tell and then let's pretend I have to go to the bathroom, but my momma gets here to pick me up from school so pretend the bed is the car and my momma drives me home and ........"

I'm sure you get the picture.

Now I'm all for using your imagination and spending quality time with your children as they involve you in their imaginary world. But, be honest, (because I desperately need to know I'm not the only bad Momma out there) after a while, it just GETS OLD.

I find myself pleading with Poptart. "I have an idea! Let's pretend I'm the Momma, you're my daughter, and this is our house." That never gets very far.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Poptart has an imagination and is using it, but for heaven's sake I think I'm gonna go crazy if I hear her ask me one more time to pretend something. And remember, I am in a room of 4-year-olds three days a week so I hear them pretending there and then I come home to even more pretending.

Here is where I should fill you in on one of my weaknesses. Guilt. I suffer with a mother's guilt. I feel as if I should stop and play with my children every single time they ask me too. I know that is crazy and unrealistic-no matter, every time I say no to them guilt overwhelms me.

I blame my typing. I spend a few hours each day on the computer, therefore limiting my time to just play. Gogurt is totally comfortable with this. I've had this job since he was 2. I know Poptart will get to this point, but until then, I deal with guilt.

The three days I teach preschool is even worse on the guilt front. We're at preschool and then as soon as we get home, I have to start transcribing. Oh, it hurts me. But, my family has developed some bad habits, like eating, so I must continue on. Especially now that Brad changed jobs and is making even less than before. We couldn't make it without my income.

I'm blessed, very blessed, to be able to do what I do. I have not worked full-time outside the home since a month before Gogurt was born. He is 8. I have however been working inside the home for going on 6 years. I have never had to experience the guilt of leaving my babies at daycare, but I have experienced the guilt of being here but not being home. Of having to continually say, "You know Momma has to work so go play by yourself."

So let's pretend I get rid of my guilt.
Pretend I never again feel my working is negatively affecting my children.
Let's pretend they grow up and realize Momma and Daddy worked pretty darn hard to provide for their needs.
Then let's pretend they grow up and have children of their own.
Pretend Poptart is an awesome Mom and Gogurt is a terrific Dad.

And then let's pretend they say they learned from the best. Pretend that doesn't make Grandma cry.